Dismal Leisure
by shadowno
Summary: Sephiroth struggles to escape from the most horrible situation imaginable. The Shinra company picnic.
1. Chapter 1

Final Fantasy VII

Dismal Leisure

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes, as the beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He clenched his fist tightly as he weighed his options. He had to find a way out of this situation alive, for he was up against his biggest challenge of his career in SOLDIER.

Suddenly, a beach ball bounced at the sand beneath his feet, before bouncing off into the distance. A hyper low class SOLDIER with spiky black hair sped past him going after the ball, giving Sephiroth the cue that it was time for him to relocate.

Sephiroth hated Costa Del Sol, the sun, the sand, the happiness. It all stood against everything he had prided himself on being. As he solemnly walked through the popular beach resort, he couldn't help but notice the sites. His fellow SOLDIER first class Genesis Rhapsodos wooing the young women with that same crappy poetry he had been spouting all year. The volleyball game the 3rd class SOLDIERS had going against the Shinra Military Police, and most prominent, the presidents bulbous belly protruding from his chair as he tried to tan away the paleness that came with living primarily in the eternal night ridden city of Midgar.

Seeing his one chance for salvation, Sephiroth quickly ducked inside the inn. Peaking out of front window, Sephiroth looked to see if anyone had seen him take shelter inside. Once he was sure he wasn't going to be pursued, he turned, finding himself face to face with his worst nightmare.

"Huh," Angeal chuckled, "The almighty Sephiroth afraid of a little sun?"

Sephiroth frowned at his friend. Of all his friends, he had least expected to be ridiculed by Angeal about his distaste for the chosen venue for the Shinra Electrical Company picnic..

"I don't exactly see you out there sun tanning." Sephiroth said calmly, letting a smirk come over his face.

"Perhaps not," Angeal said. "I got sick of watching Genesis spout Loveless at any woman unfortunate enough to cross his path, you?"

"I just want to get back to work." Sephiroth explained. "The conflict in Wutai is just getting worse, it's hardly the time for us to be lazing about here."

"I think that's plenty of reason for a vacation." Angeal retorted. "Considering the stress caused by the conflict, a little RnR seems to be just what we need."

"I'll rest when the fights over." Sephiroth said, turning towards the exit.

"Where you going?" Angeal asked.

"I'm not sure, but anywhere is better than staying in here so you can frown at me." Sephiroth answered, walking through the door..

"hey..." Angeal began as the door shut in his face.

Sephiroth squinted as he stepped back out into the bright sun. Breathing in the sea breeze, he could smell the salt. Where now? He asked himself, scanning the area for a good safe haven.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

` Sephiroth nudged the box out of his way as he worked his way deeper into the ship. Surely he wouldn't have to deal with anyone so far from the beach. The Shinra cargo ship was damp and dark, just the way Sephiroth liked it. Most importantly, it was barren, the crew off celebrating the picnic with the rest of the company. Sitting down on an old crate, he let himself relax.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." He said to himself.

"There can never be peace when you're around." He heard an incredibly angst filled voice speak from the shadows around him.

"Who's there!" Sephiroth said, standing up and firmly gripping Masamune.

"It's me..." the voice said. Sephiroth watched as wonder boy himself emerged from the shadows.

"Oh my..." Sephiroth said, bemused. "I have no idea who you are."

"I'm not surprised." The man said. "After all, who am I? Nobody..."

"Sound like someone needs some Prozac." Sephiroth commented, snidely.

"What I need, is strength!" The blond haired individual said, pulling out a massive sword.

"What are you doing to do with... oh come on, you shouldn't even have that yet!" Sephiroth complained. "I mean, we just saw Angeal, and if he's alive, Zack never got the sword, let alone him being alive, there for you shouldn't even know what that sword is yet."

"Stop trying to confuse me!" Cloud yelled, putting his hands over his ears and crying.

"Whatever, let's just get on with this. What are you planning to do with that?" Sephiroth asked half halfheartedly.

"Something I should of done a long time ago!" Cloud screamed like a girl before raising the sword high above his head, and bring it crashing down... on his wrist, which he began to chop with earnest. Sephiroth stared in shock as Cloud cut his wrist like an over grown lawn. "I'm sorry Aeris, I couldn't protect you!" Cloud sobbed, tears flowing freely from his eyes like floodgates.

"Oh come on! That didn't even happen yet." Sephiroth complained. "Also, Aeris was a mistranslation, her name is actually Aerith."

"Drown in my misery Sephiroth! Pay for your sins!" Cloud screamed, digging deeper and deeper into his arm.

Sephiroth slowly backed towards the exit, careful not to take his eyes of the mentally unstable time paradox in front of him.

"SEPHIROTH!" Cloud screamed. "DROWN IN MY MISERY!"

"I'll take my chances in the sun." Sephiroth said, before quickly running from the boat, leaving Cloud to continue his ritualistic self mutilation on his own.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sephiroth sat on the beach towel, watching the waves crash against the beach. The laughter of those around him irked him, but he just ignored it. He sat alone, actually beginning to enjoy the relaxation for once when Angeal finally approached him.

"So," Angeal began, sitting down next to him. "the almighty Sephiroth finally decides to join in the fun?"

"Perhaps," Sephiroth responded, looking at his friend. "there are worse fates than enjoying a vacation with your friends."

"Oh? And what made you come to this conclusion?"

"Simple, I saw what being broody and dark can lead to." Sephiroth explained, remembering Cloud, remaining all alone in the dark, being his typical emo self.

Suddenly, they were both distracted, as Genesis ran past, half naked. A group of giggling fan girls sped past them soon after, in hot pursuit of the poet of their dreams. Sephiroth let out a chuckle.

"You'd think he'd written Loveless himself, the way the act." Angeal said, standing up and dusting the sand off of himself.

"Indeed." Sephiroth said, following suit.

"So, What now?" Angeal asked.

"Let's go show the third classes how to truly play beach volleyball." Sephiroth said, heading off in the direction of the ongoing game in the distance.

"Heh, after you." Angeal said, with a smile, glad to see his friend finally join in on the fun.

==##==

And so it was. In a thrashing that would be even better known than the defeat of Wutai, Sephiroth and Angeal defeated the third class SOLDIERS single handedly. The defeat was so massive, that it sent even light hearted Zack Fair crying, as he fled the court. As for Genesis, rumor has it he was finally captured, and smother to death underneath a pile of 30 squealing tweens. And Cloud, well, he went on to start in a game and a movie, and annoy gamers everywhere.

The End


End file.
